...WYSIWYG...

I'm sat here today and my brain just isn't functioning. I mean I am getting on with everything I should be doing but I think my thoughts are on another planet.

It's seeming like the weirdest break up at the moment. No arguing. No insults. No hatred. Nothing. We've spent as much time together as usual and are still good friends. I have to admit this is cool but I think it has both of us wondering if it will make a move on problematic.

We are both aware that things will be different. I mean we're both prepared to say that we love each other and that hasn't changed it's just the realisation that we both want different things and neither of us wants to let go.

I've been using the opportunity as an attempt to get myself back on my feet work wise. I have applied for a few teaching jobs - an independent school here and there, a school over in Germany - all nice places where the stress levels would hopefully be lower and in the case of Germany which would offer me some space.

This weekend I am going to my parents and am looking forward to having some time alone. I wonder if I'll get it though?

So the girl and I decided to call it a day due to the feeling that neither of us would compromise on relationship issues despite loving each other.

It's a tough situation but I guess I'll have to get used to it and gradually start picking up the pieces of my life.

It seems to me that one thing is certain in this life...teaching...I hate it yet I can't seem to live without it.

- I miss walking into a nice peaceful school first thing in the morning, booting up my computer and then going into a mad panic when I realise that what I thought was first lesson of the day is actually last and that I have loads of work still to do.

- I miss the glow in kids faces when they finally realise what I have been droning on about for the last few hours.

- I miss the end of term assemblies where all the students would be super excited about showing off their talents at singing and dancing.

- I miss kids telling me that I have made a difference to their enjoyment of the subject.

When I am in there however, I tend to stress myself out. I find myself longing for the holidays. I find myself wanting to scream at the one kid who doesn't enjoy the lesson I am teaching. I find myself stressed.

But then again there's the money, the holidays, the job satisfaction and the recognition of doing a worthwhile career that scares so many.

The pull of teaching is back and it's back big time - it's largely due to seeing a couple of jobs which I would love to do in schools where I know there won't be too many behaviour issues. I am trying to hold back but it's getting to be too strong an urge...

So do I stay where I am or accept that I am a teacher...?

Today me and the power mad girl have realised why we have a love hate relationship. Apparently it is all down to Chinese New Year and the fact that I am a lowly sheep and she is an ox.

I never know how much I believe in these things but apparently...

Those born in the year of the sheep are thought to be a contented lot, happy with their creature comforts around them, wise and compassionate, especially gifted in the arts and reputedly tasteful. Charming, elegant and artistic, sheep are often envied for their success.

Hmmm, I do like my creature comforts and I love arty stuff but I am not sure that I am successfull, charming, elegant or artistic..

On the other hand, it’s also believed that sheep can be great worriers, often getting off on the wrong foot with people and having a generally pessimistic outlook on life. This often leaves sheep feeling puzzled and even timid but despite their tendency towards shyness, sheep often find themselves centre of attention.

I tend to worry about the slightest thing so it's good to know this should be the case but in terms of people I tend to get on with most people intially and then fall out with them. I am very shy but do attract attention as despite being shy I am so often unintentionally loud!!

Those born under the sign of the sheep frequently throw themselves passionately into what they do and what they believe in. Many sheep, as it happens, are deeply religious and spiritual. This doesn’t, however, curb their materialistic tendencies and they cling to their loved possessions tightly.

I am very passionate about things and my other half often moans that I don't leave work at work etc. I am not at all religious but I do think I am quite spiritual. I love my bits and bobs too!

Financially, sheep are volatile but always manage to get by. Sheep never seem to worry about having the best in life as their abilities and artistic flare bring them the success they need in their chosen career.

I am rubbish with money and seem to sink rather than anything else when it comes to finances...

Sheep look for partners who will make all the decisions for them. In love, a sheep needs a lot of pampering although they will not always return the favour. Commonly, sheep are attracted to generous partners who will give everything and expect nothing in return.

Yep my other half is very giving but she is as indecisive as me. Also she doesn't take any of my complaints and won't let me get away without giving in return!!

Those born under the sign of the sheep do not so much dream as imagine, appreciating the written word, peace and beauty. Sheep are gentle and caring, and are strongly family orientated and the Chinese think of them as the harbingers of peace. They are pacifists by nature unless fighting to end conflict.

I do think I am a dreamer and I often work through things in my head imagining settings and scenarios. I am very much into my family and I love reading lots whether it is fiction or fact. As for pacifism I hate the idea of war but I will argue my point and frequently pick arguments as I hate being left in the dar.

Careers suited to Sheep are Acting, Gardening and Beach Combing.

Maybe I should consider these!

I don't know what is wrong with me lately apart from the fact that I just haven't been feeling right.

I have been having these headaches which whilst mild are persistent, I ache, feel tired and just generally run down. To top this off girlfriend has told me a couple of times that I am looking really pale.

I keep saying it's the weather as all of this has been coupled with feeling cold lots but part of me wonders if maybe I should go and see the doctor - the main drawback to this being the need for time off work to go.

I've been told that I am crap at being unwell previously so it's probably nothing!

The last few days in work we have had no network thanks to a pesky hacker. In some ways this has been good as it has given me chance to chat with everyone and has created quite a chilled environment. Even the power mad girl has chilled. Today we spent our time tearing up outdated folders and it was quite good.

The downside of this is that due to continued disruption everyone is off to our Reading offices to work tomorrow with the exception of me.

Why? Well it's not because I am a temp for once. It's because I am havin a bit of a silent protest. I wasn't happy last week when due to similar disruption last week I got sent home after an hour in work and was told that I would only be paid for the time I was in the office.

So, it looks like a dull day ahead for me but at least I have got a good book to read!!