...WYSIWYG...

Just had a major panic...I selected three people to send facebook invitations to...however, facebook accidentally sent them to everyone in my address book. Work colleagues, ex work colleagues...you name it they all got invited.

The main panic however was because I thought I'd accidentally invited my dad...he doesn't know gf and I are together still and I think he'd probably disown me if he were to find out...it's a very long story!

Anyway, I don't think I have as I have checked through the various invites I have sent and he doesn't appear to be on my list...

Fingers crossed hey!

Let's get one thing staight, whilst I feel quiet today I'm not in a bad mood.

I woke up this morning feeling fairly chipper and prior to leaving for work made my girlfriend a cuppa and breakfast. At the same time I made my own lunch and fed the dog.

I came to work singing along to my favourite tunes on my iPod whilst thinking how it looked like a nice day. I stopped in my car for a few minutes to listen to a song I particularly loved.

I felt happy and still do.

I walked into the office and opened the door for our mailroom guy, we had a brief pleasant chat and I returned to get a box. I even spoke to power mad girl - she grunted a reply but didn't make any effort to talk.

All going well and no hint of mood.

Then for some reason power mad girl starts going on about how everyone around her is in a mood. She starts glowering at me and telling everyone what a bad mood I in particular am in and have been in all week.

News flash girly if I was in a bad mood you'd know about it - my anti depressants largely prevent me from flying into bad moods or any other form of mood come to think of it.

To be honest the only thing putting me in a mood is being told that I am in a bad mood.

I still feel fed up with this place. Well to be honest I feel more fed up than ever before with this place. I need to get out of here and into somewhere new. I want to get away from insufferable work colleagues more than ever.

On the upshot of yesterdays post I sent an email to my boss asking him why I had been overlooked. He was out of office all day yesterday so it made it necessary for me to put up with "Ms Tactless" flashing her thank you card at everyone and telling them how she didn't even do anything for it.

This morning boss was met by "Ms Tactless" grinning and gloating about her award. "I think it may cause problems" she said but nonetheless has continued to waggle the card under the nose of anyone who wants to see it.

The boss' reaction was similar to mine. He didn't see how she'd been given an award when she hadn't done anything. He told her this but the gloating continued nonetheless.

Anyway he read his email and took my point on board. Even commented on it which is unlike him. I made the point that I thought it was out of order and if I wasn't getting anything then Ms Tactless shouldn't as she had contributed sweet FA.

He claims to be looking into it yet somehow I don't believe him. Meanwhile I get to stare at the thank you card which has been placed staring at me.

My issues are multiple

1) she passed comment on how it would potentially cause problems yet continued to gloat.
2) I went above and beyond the call of duty to do everything asked of me even things out of the remit of my job - just a thank you would put a smile on my face.
3) the boss knows I am irritated by this yet seems unprepared to pull her up on the whole thing - potentially because he fancies her.

I want to be the bigger person over this but I am sorry - I can't. I have asked my agency to get me out of here and because of the situation for once they are actually trying to help me out here.

I seem good at whining and I apologise for that. Today I am afraid is no different - apart from I am possibly feeling more angry than I have done for a long time.

Back when I started this job it was during the busy drop-in-centre period of March/April/May. The facility exists for claim forms to be submitted for farmers to claim subsidies on the land they are farming and whilst enjoyable was extremely hard work.

During this time I helped set up equipment, deal with claims, liase with courier services and acted as a general dogs body. There was just me initally, then a man and me, then two temp girls and finally the power mad girl joined. The only difference between all of us was power mad girl had been fortunate enough to gain a fixed term contract and we were all agencies.

Anyway, as I say at this time I worked very hard and pretty much ran the drop in centre whilst the boss and power mad girl sat out back. She was there for two weeks of the whole thing though whilst I was there from the start.

Today power mad girl sat with a smile on her face after opening an envelope. She had received a gift of £50 for her contribution towards the drop in centre efforts - yeah she came in about five times I think and in that time sat on her backside whilst the rest of us were stressed by farmers yelling at us, I whoever who was there from the word go and really did slog my guts out got....nothing. No card, no thanks and definitely no money.

I feel angry as this has happened because I am a temp and the organisation obviously don't value my contribution. I want to say something and do something but apparently they are allowed to do this as I am "worker" not an "employee" in the eyes of the law.

Thing is this keeps happening. I got a birthday card whilst everyone else got a present on their birthdays. I have problems getting a morning off for an interview you name it.

I really want to take this beyond my boss so asked my dad what he would do and his response was...
"Be realistic. They will always be nice to you but you will basically be a dogs body. At present, just do the job and take the money and bide your time."

Great hey?

Today finds me feeling well and truly exhausted.

I am normally the kind of girl who spends her weekends at home with a bottle of wine so anything more energetic comes as a bit of a shock to the system.

Friday night I visited the Dream Factory/Playbox Theatre to see the Small Fakers. An excellent Small Faces tribute band that I would heartily recommend to anyone who gets chance to see them.

Saturday morning started calmly with a beer and breakfast down the local. Then we headed over to Northamptonshire where we indulged in a spot of shoe shopping at the Dr Marten factory and went to a friend's house. We were supposed to be going out but feeling too tired we decided to spend the night with them and instead ended up at the local Working Mans Club where we boogied along to a young lady with long legs and a hefty pair of lungs.

The yesterday it was off to London town to indulge in our main love the Kinks. A set from the Kast Off Kinks included a visit from young Mr Ray Davies.

All that was to do next was a curry before sleeping over in Northamptonshire and heading back to Worcestershire at stupid o'clock this morning.

Tired but happy...

I am thinking today will be a miserable day. I walked in to...

Her: Who's been using my desk?
Me : Simon and me
Her: I wish you wouldn't
Me : I needed labels which were on it and as I didn't have any on mine I had to get them off yours.
Her: I hate people using my desk
Me : Well the only way around it is to put the labels on my side.
Her : not doing that

Followed by a brief silence

Her: Did someone move my yoghurt off the desk?
Me : yes, I thought it could do with being refrigerated
Her: Well don't.

Another brief silence

Her: how was Simon last night after I left
Me : Fine Vicky came after you left so he was happy
Her: Why? she's not much a looker
Me : He likes talking to her - she's a really nice person
Her : but she looks like a man - she's not pretty or anything

With these three little conversations my hopes for the rest of the day are far from high.

She throws paper at me...I smile politely I make a joke about it

She claims to be my boss...I smie and laugh it off whilst thinking to myself "you stupid tart"

She flicks sellotape at me...I joke and continue to smile whilst thinking "leave me alone"

Shre throws a dossier at me...I jump...I think it is going to hit me

The boss watches on and does nothing.

The boss laughs whilst I get things thrown at me.

I remind myself it is only playful banter.

I go to the postroom.

I get some post...it's a lightweight package...

I know it's highlighters she's ordered.

I throw them to her playfully...

She screams..."it could be a bomb or something"...

She gets in a mood...

The boss tells me off...

She moans she is going home as I am stressing her out...

How?

The girl and I went out for lunch yesterday. It was partly a celebration of her selling a car on ebay and partly due to neither of us wanting to cook.

Bromsgrove until recently has been a town of pub food and curry houses. Yes there's Pizza Hut but unless you're 12 you don't really want to eat there do you?

So the arrival of a Prezzo and Pizza Express brought big smiles to both of our faces (this coupled with an offer in the Times for 2-4-1 at Pizza Express).

Yesterday we were off there. The restuarant had been open a week so it smelt and looked lovely. However, with doors being left open it was a cold environment. The food was scrummy and really filling and the service whilst a little over familar wasn't bad.

Then the desert came. We always go for their coffee and pud option. It tasted wonderful. I had a latte instead of the regular espresso and it was good. Both of us had smiles on our faces!

The bill however, changed this...we were over charged for the pizzas (both were costed in instead of one)...we were over charged for the coffee (and when we spoke to the waiter he told us we should have known this would happen)...then we asked to see the manager and she didn't bother coming over.

We left without giving a tip and went to a nearby shop. Girl was on edge and decided we should return. A brief discussion later and we each had a voucher in our hands for a free pizza and glass of wine.

I believe in challenging poor service...sometimes you walk away feeling you shouldn't have bothered but on this time we had a result...

I'm now deciding what to have next time

Ahh it's Sunday. Day of crap food and crap TV. Am sat on the sofa with the girl who is panicking over an ebayer who has bought her car but not turned up.

I don't really get ebay. I mean I think it is a wonderful way of making some money but I think there are other sites that do the job equally well.

I think one of the causes for the girls frustration is they've changed the way ratings on the site work. Apparently a buyer can no longer get negative feedback off the seller. This means that a buyer can out in a drunken bid for something then not turn up, not hand over the money and nothing can be done about it.

I wonder how much longer we're going to be sat here scratching our heads and waiting.

I left teaching back last September as I had grown fed up with kids thinking they knew better than me and who were lacking in manners and respect. I found secondary schools in England extremely different to the schools that I had attended in a child and whilst I loved working with the children the frustration grew and grew.

When I was teaching I always felt like I was doing a worthwhile job. Even if 5 out of a class of 25 responded positively that was something. I always felt that because I was making a difference the stresses of the job were we worth it.

As a temp I've enjoyed my roles and enjoyed the change of environment but have ultimately felt unstretched, unchallenged and increasingly demotivated. This last couple of weeks I have played on Paint in the day time and no-one has noticed or comment. As a temp within this organisation I get no career development in terms of courses (at least I did when temping with the prison service) and I have been told on a few occasions that my opinion doesn't count.

Due to this and not being able to find a permanent position I have found myself getting increasingly fed up and depressed. I've been back on medication about two and a half months now yet still suffer these highs and lows. I try to be positive but it's hard. It's especially hard when you have a line manager who obviously values his fixed term and permanent staff over his temps.

So I find myself wondering what I should be doing work and life wise. I can't cope with the boredom of temping much longer so do I risk going back into a classroom. Will I find it easier in a different area of the country? Will I find if better in a religious or independent school? Will I be able to overlook the fact that the profession gets me stressed out for double the money I am on at the moment and the long holidays?

I really don't know.

This weekend saw the annual gathering of my Uni friends. Well it was the annual gathering with me and the girl present as it seems that there are umpteen nights out that we aren't invited on. I've tried telling myself it's because we live up in the Midlands and they think it's too far for us to travel to Cardiff but our other mate who lives in Newbury seems to get inivted to all the social events. I'm now admitting to myself that maybe after 10 years of knowing each other we are growing apart.

This in itself doesn't bother me what does is how to get new friends. I mean when you are little it is so simple everyone is a potential friend. As you go through senior school you weed out some people you get on less well with and develop more meaningful friendships with a few select people. Then University when you are back to square one of trying to fit in and meet new people again and forming new bonds.

What happens as an adult though? I always thought I'd develop friends through work and my social life but as a 29 year old I have no social life which has kind of scuppered that plan.

It's not as if my needs are that demanding. I'd like someone who lived close enough that would be happy if me and the girl called in for a coffee now and again. I'd like someone who we could occasionally have meals out or meals in with. I'd like someone who we could watch a film with now and again.

Someone who'd be up for being a boring old fart with me when the girl is away from home but who is happy to hang out with both of us when she's around would be amazing but - where do I find them?

I am sending out a plea here for new mates. All ages considered as long as you live within easy reach of North Worcestershire or South Birmingham and if you are in Bromsgrove or Rubery all the better.

Back from Belgium. Back in work and already bored.

I guess if nothing else work gives me a chance to catch up on the missed z's but I really do want more than that from life. I miss the energy of teaching on days like these but then the reality is I really don't want to find myself back in a classroom. Not in this country anyway. Well unless it was a nice independent girls school.

The gf has posed a semi solution. Based on the fact that neither of us has had much luck in the Midlands she thinks we should move.

I am excited yet terrified by this idea. You see the gf and I split up a while ago (over complex issues I am not going to delve into) and my parents don't know we're back together. The reason for this is they seem to hate her and the fact that she makes me happy doesn't count.

So it begs the question that if I did move how would I explain it to my parents. Would they believe it was just down to me needing a change as well as telling them not to stress. It's not as if I haven't talked to them about moving it's just any move I have talked about has been moving back to Wales not in the opposite direction.

I guess it will give me something to think about whilst I am bored in work if nothing else.